Hi. I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such celebrity funerals as "Andre The Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye" and "Shemp Howard, Today We Mourn A Stooge."
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.